My Journey To Death

Today, I take a moment to ponder all that journey to death has taught me.

On June 29,2015, that was the longest day for me as I went home to catch up with my mom who was in a comatose stage. She was 61 and had a  fight with chronic kidney failure and liver cirrhosis. We knew it was coming but have never thought that it was only for 4 months.

I arrived at around 11:50 pm, my mom lying on the bed, catching her breath so fast, so thin, so pale, with her pupil almost gone and just the white part of her eyes. I just closed my eyes and prayed aloud. I hugged her and whispered that I love her and it's okay for her to leave us. Telling things in a manner of a joke was all I did. I need to be brave in front of her because I know she does not want me to cry. No words, no reactions, nothing at all but a hard and catching breathing. On June 30 at around 1:02 am, her eyes suddenly opened, looked up for my father and slowly raised her hand towards my father, saliva coming out and eyes slowly closed.  Having witnessed as she drew her last breath was so painful. My mom is gone and there is nothing that we can do but to face her death.

Being on this 4 months journey with my mom's journey was so difficult. It's a mixture of emotions and even financial struggle. When she was diagnosed with her condition, I know it was difficult for her and struggled with it. During those times, there was nothing that I could do but only see how she suffered and how she was in pain. All I could do was to talk to her, encourage her and make her smile. And most importantly this journey is all about surrendering everything to God.

During this season, there are important lessons I learned in life.

1. Life is too short. Make the most out of it to honor, love and take care our parents no matter how busy we are.

2. God always chooses the best for us. While I want my mom to be alive but it is more painful to see her suffering.

3. Surrender and Being Strong are two big words but we should learn how to fully embrace the real meaning of it.

Thank you, Ma for helping me how to be strong and for teaching the most important lesson. I love you Ma.Just as you said before you die, that I should learn to accept things, be strong and continue to live life the way it is.